Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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