You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Shame - the story of my life.
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