he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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