i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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