i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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