I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Even my vagina gasped.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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