Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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