I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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