just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize