it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize