my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was confusing and full of hummus
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just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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