grandma shit on top of the toilet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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