My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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