I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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