I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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