You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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