your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize