A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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