I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm getting married
To pizza
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize