Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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