highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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