note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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