Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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