watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize