I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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