i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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