i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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