I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize