sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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