i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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