Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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