I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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