There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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