I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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