I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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