Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you inspire me to be a worse person
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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