We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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