awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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