His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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