Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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