I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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