i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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