i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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