i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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