i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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