she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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