I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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