the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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