He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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