When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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